沉重的心

一直以来，我以为妹妹还小不会因我不在而伤心。但是，我的确错了。还有一天，我就会离家三星期，公干去。

这几天，我再提醒妹妹，出乎预料，妹妹竟然告诉我她会很伤心，会想念我。我试着告诉她，妈咪会买很多礼物回来。再次，出乎预料，她竟然告诉我，她什么都不要，她只要我别去公干。听了，简直就像被人狠狠地从高处扔下来!!

宝贝，妈咪会每天打电话回来跟妳聊哦。只怕，到时候，妳不要跟我聊罢了。还有，记得别跟哥哥打架或吵架噢！

Leaving home with heavy heart

Dear babies,

All the while i am looking forward for a business trip. When i get the opportunity, without second thought i accept it. However, after awhile after i settle down, my inner heart kept asking me whether should i go or not. After checking with daddy, he very supportive, so i continue with it.

In less than 2 weeks time, to be exact, in 10 days time, i will be flying to Limerick and will only be back home after 24 days. I never be apart with both of you for that long, and i never let both of you of my sight for more than 24 hours. This gonna be a big challenge for me.

For this round, daddy will need to do all the exam revision with both of you as keke's exam fall on the week right after i left. As for meimei, the exam is on end of Oct, so it depends, either during mummy's final week in Limerick or the week right after mummy reached home.

I was thinking how to tell both of you about my long duration business trip, however, daddy informally inform both of you and as expected, both of you do not show any supportive reaction.

Keke , you told me that you will definitely sad as you wont be able to see me for so long;

Meimei , you asked me why can't i only go away for 1 or 2 days.

Babies, of course,  i also wish that the business trip can be shorten. Mummy hope that both of you will listen and corporate with daddy while i am away.

Also, for this year, i will missed the birthday celebration for three of you, keke, meimei and daddy.

Go or No Go???

All the while when i heard of daddy has business travel opportunity, i will feel that he is so lucky. He used to travel almost once every year. After looking forward for so long, finally, i am being given an opportunity  going to Limerick, Ireland for job assignment. And the duration is 3 weeks!!!

When i heard of this, i was so excited and at the same time has a mixed feeling. Shall i go or no go? I had missed out few business travel opportunities in the past, and this time i need to break the curse! When i told daddy about this, he is very supportive. And i told him my major concern is whether will he be able to handle the 2 of us for 3 weeks, and he kept assure me that "no worry, everything will be fine!" Hearing this, i still have mixed feeling as i never leave both of you out of my sight for so long.

Per the current plan, i shall be away from home from 2nd week of Oct til week 4 of Oct, also means that i will miss the 3 of yours birthday celebration. But well, like what daddy said, opportunity will not knock on my door everyday, so if being given the chance, i should take it and go all the way!!

Thanks daddy to be so supportive !!! 

心疼妳的成熟

一直以来，女儿会比儿子比较善解人意，也比较会看我脸色。我以为即将换工，可以放慢脚步，慢慢的将手上的工分出去。我竟然那么天真。我还天真到跟女儿讲我会有更多的时间陪伴她。

我昨晚，做到忘我境界，竟然忘了每个星期四女儿有上额外的英文补习，所以在学校的午睡时间会比平常短。到我觉悟时，女儿已是很累很累。我就问她为什么没提醒妈咪自己很累。让我没想到的回应是，五岁的女儿说，“妈咪，没事，没什么啦，我自是很累，但我看到妳在忙着工作，我就没吵妳”。天啊！！！女儿这句话，她的出发点是要安慰我，但是，她的成熟想法就有如一支很尖很尖的针，深深地插入我内心深处。我竟然那么的粗心，没察觉到女儿很累，还以为她在享受卡通片。仔细回想，我记得，我看到女儿一直在不停地换电视节目台。那就是她发给我的讯号，“妈咪，我很累”！

我真的是个很不称职的妈咪。:(
女儿啊，妳可不可以别那么懂得替妈咪着想，有时，妳得狠很得挎我一巴，让我清醒点！！

骂孩子后的心酸反思........

好讨厌自己那无法放开,放松的态度.


孩子们竟然偷偷的繼承了我一些不好的基因:-没有坚持心 & 粗心
辛好,他们也同时偷偷的繼承了老公良好的基因:-好脾气,健忘

我的脾气不是很好,也是个很没有耐心的人,深受其害的多是我老公.接下来就是两个孩子.哈哈!
虽然,我常常讲,别 给孩子压力,让他们自由发挥,但是, 活在这现实的社会里, 有是我们会搞得自己很不理智. 常常告诉自己, 教育好自己的孩子,不要想着他/她以后会是什么家, 毕竟行行出状元嘛. 太过逼孩子们去帮自己完成自己无法达到的梦想, 对孩子们是很不公 平. 但是,自己就是放不下, 一直深怕孩子功课追不上..

一向来, 我也知道他字体不端, 但不至于很难看到无法读. 但是, 现在国民型华小老师很在意同学们的字体. 第一次与他级任老师见面,第一个评论就是字体不端, 我还很礼貌的回答老师, 叫老师多多帮忙纠正  我猜, 老师内心深处一定痛骂我. 晚上回来,我骂了他一顿,他低着头.
 
昨晚, 我又因为儿子字体不端而痛骂他一场. 他没哭,眼泪一直在眼里打滚,只是俩只眼睛一直看着我. 已不是第一次了, 每次都警告他,若从犯, 我会狠狠的处罚他. 但, 每次都没.

每次,骂完后,深夜,,孩子睡了,我感觉我的孩子真可怜,不懂刚刚我那么骂他, 他心里会很难受吗?我心里很难受,很难受. 有时, 我会伤心的落泪, 很懊悔, 为什么我要那么骂他. 毕竟, 他还小, 当我还是他那年龄时, 我还在迷迷糊糊的学着ABC. 有时, 我会在孩子们熟睡时在他们那可爱的小脸,亲一亲,何必在事情发生了才懊悔, 为什么不学会控制自己.? 为什么还总是抱怨孩子记不住家长和老 师的话呢? 为什么? 为什么? 为什么?

辛好,孩子们还蛮健忘, 睡醒就忘了刚被我痛骂. 几天后, 老毛病又来了. 哪我呢, 也是老毛病重犯,骂骂骂.  但,我坚持,只骂, 不打. 要打, 我也是用手打. 若,忍无可忍, 我就用手打桌子,练个铁沙掌…. 哈哈!

有时, 我在想,孩子们去上学,会不会像我们去上班那样有压力? 我们是否应该放下身段,站在他们的立场上想?其实孩子们想法很单纯,要的也不多,不像我们大人那么复杂. 为什么我不简简单单的教育他们? 无论我们怎样对待他们,他们总可以以一颗最纯净的心来对待我们, 孩子们,你们是上帝送给我的最佳礼物!!!!孩子们,希望你们可以体会到妈咪的用心良苦. 别怪我哦!

Mummy, it's time to let go!

I have been accompanying my boy packing his school bag every night after homework and revision. Our usual activity is, he will gathered all the books for next day according to the time table, then i will do a cross check by calling out each subjects, and he will put all those books into his school bag. Both of us enjoy this "YOU and ME" time though.

After CNY break, on Tuesday night, when i wanted to repeat the same routine with him, he told me that he had pack his school bag and assured me that i don't have to check for him. Suddenly, i feel so lost as i am no longer needed in part of his schooling life. However, to make him feel confident on himself, i praised him and reminded him to make sure he didn't miss out anything that needed for the next day.

But.......i still don't feel comfortable to let him do it all by himself, not that i don't have confident on him, but to me, he is still too young to handle himself well. LOL! So, either at night after he went upstairs or early in the morning when he is still in his dreamland, i will check his school bag again, to make sure he doesn't miss out anything.

一起努力的日子

一直以为, 当大宝贝上一年级, 我就会较轻松. 天啊, 原来我错了. 大宝贝上了一年级, 我比以往更忙,有时, 我还得帮他做功课 不明白呒为什么会有那么多的涂颜色活动. 感觉上大宝贝好像在上幼儿园而不是国小. 不懂大宝贝有什么感想.

不想给他太多的压力, 但是又不放心, 总爱检查他的功课. 其实, 我这大宝贝, 他蛮乖的, 功课时常在学校做完, 但是, 但是, 但是, 因为社会要求完美无缺, 老师说, 大宝贝的字体不美, 所以我每晚得叫他从写. 可怜的大宝贝, 每次我骂他因为字体不美, 他就会用那是懂非懂的眼神看着我, 搞得我心疼到半命!!!!

希望接下来, 我和大宝贝会慢慢的适应这种生活.

Whose fault?? Me? You? Society??

Today when i went to collect the RM100 from school, received a small complain from the form teacher on my boy's writing. Well, i know, this day will come as my boy doesn't write neatly and nicely as compare to other kids at the same age. Even though i know this problem, but when i heard this from his form teacher, my heart sank. But of course, i still need to act cool in front of the teacher, so i told the teacher please help me and it's ok if she were to request him to rewrite as long as it's meeting her expectation. Well, the form teacher did briefly explain to me the expectation of the school. Well, in fact, most of the Chinese school expect the kids to write properly like the example below.

When i reached home, quickly goggle for solution, well, not that i am a kiasu mom, but i do not want this minor thing hinder my boy from loving school life.  At last i found this article,  Special Education/My 5 year old can't write properly.In this article, it did mention that kid who was highly visual will have this problem.I will need to fully digest this article and find way to help my son to improve his writing.

I know, since we are in government school, we need to follow the expectations, rules and regulations. But what does writing matter so much?? His writing is not that bad til un-readable, it's just that the writing is not on the line per the example. So my poor boy need to spend most of his night rewrite whatever has been written in the school. I rather he spend his time doing some other more value added thing rather then rewrite all the writing.

Well, do u want a kid who can write like typewrite or printing machine and no creativity at all, or u want a kid whose writing is so so and creative?? I rather my son to be creative though. But not much we can do since we are in government school.  So, what's next?? Me and my boy need to work together to have this problem resolve else me and him will keep getting complain from teacher on this minor issue. Wish both of us good luck!

Another heart wrenching moment with my boy

I have no clue, why under this new education system KSSR, there is so many coloring and tracing activities. And this is the area where my boy can't do well at all. Ever since kindy, my son hates tracing and coloring, he doesn't has the patience to do tracing and coloring well. He will just scribble and that's it!!! I tend to close one eye during his kindy time, and i really make a big mistake and this mistake bring endless pain to me and him.

Everytime, when he bring back tracing and coloring activity from school, i will have hard time with him. I will have to shout at my top volume to make him redo his coloring. Same thing happen today. I was so unhappy with his coloring work and insisted him to redo it. And i am seeing him struggling to fill up all the empty spaces in the drawing.

I shouted, scolded, yelled....and i can see him holding his tears in his eyes. And i really feel i am so helpless, i really really hope that i can help him. But, he himself is the only person who can help him. He needs to really stay focus on the tracing and coloring in order to have it done properly.

After awhile, i tone myself down, and had a conversation with him,

M: boy, mummy always scold you, do you angry at me?

K: hmm...a little bit angry

Sigh, boy, i hope you will not angry at me and hope that you will understand mummy. Because of this don't know what education system that only have 2 major exams per year, so i have no clue how the teachers will assess the children's performance. 

当个称职的妈妈不容易

我一向来都认为当个称职的妈妈不容易, 真的,是不容易. 尤其是当你得工作和家庭兼职时,简直就希望你有超能力,  可以一发个简单的命令, 所有的东西都可以在你控制之下完成任务. 想得美, 世上哪有不劳而获的东西, 若有的话, 你我他就不必工作得那么辛苦.

但是,有些妈妈, 她们却能工作和家庭兼职, 把家人安抚得很妥当. 好羡慕.

上星期,简直是在考验我的能力,老板不停的要这要那, ,  一个容易的price proposal 竟然要我重做,再重做. 改变的不是我的建议 , 要改的竟然是那不起眼的 power point formatting.  天啊......然后,呒老板竟然还批评我的建议书, 讲我做得好烂...

可是, 有料的人,就是有料嘛...当我把建议书呈上与 Brand 讨论时, 既然我的大家都同意, 还说合理....哈哈! 老板很不心甘情愿的在大伙前赞我! 好假!

希望明天会更好!!

You melted my heart !!!

It was raining cats and dogs outside and i was at the car porch, warned both kids not to come out. And as usual, then the kids see rain, they will get excited and will find way to come out and play the water.

So in return, i will scream and shout at them. And guess what, Kelvin was holding a key chain, then, he folded the key chain, make it into a heart shape.

K: mummy, u see, this is how i love you, **showing the heart shape to me**. This is my heart for mummy.
M: **heart almost melted** Oh...so sweet of you, thank you sweetie.

Boy oh boy...you are so good in sweet talk and always find way to melt mummy's heart :)

Why u said Good Morning to your friend but now is night??

Today, when i was having my nite telecon at night, Kelvin was standing beside me. As soon as my US counterpart dial in to the call, i said Good morning to her.

And next, it was thousands and millions of doubts from this little boy.
K: Mummy, why you said GOOD MORNING to your friend, now is night time already
M: oh....boy. U got it partially right. It's our night time here, but my friend, she stays in US, and now she just wake up from sleep, so i say GOOD MORNING to her.

I know, he doesn't know that i am talking, and he doesn't buy my explanation. He just keep quiet and walk away from me. LOL! Boy ar boy, hope mummy doesn't confuse you :)

A blurrrrr mummy!

This morning, my boy asked me,
K : Mummy, aeroplane has how many wheels.
Without second thought, the blur mummy told him, 2 WHEELS!!

Happily , mummy go to work and ask his colleagues, and get whack by my fellow colleagues.
**u tot aeroplane is bicycle, 2 wheels** oops...

Come home, quickly test on my boy and see whether he still remember what i said.
M: boy, how many wheel does an aeroplane has?
K: 2 WHEELS??
M: no no, boy, it should be 22 wheels for A380.

**my boy showed me confused face**I am sorry boy...

Quickly, google on A380, and even go to youtube to show him how aeroplane take off and landing.

The mummy and son day

Since today is quarter end, and as usual, our boss granted us with half day off. Since i hardly have opportunity to have mom and son time with Kelvin, so i take this opportunity to take him out for short walk in QBM.

I let him take his afternoon nap and only pick him up around 4pm. As per plan, we headed to QBM. And the first thing Kelvin requested is ice cream! So we proceed to McD to get a sundae cone for him and chocolate milk shake for me. I let Kelvin tried milk shake for the first time and he love it so much. Both mom and son share the same taste :)As i know this lazy boy of me will be super lazy to walk around, so i prepare a stroller and as soon as he sees it, he jumped on it. It actually make the day easier as i don't have to chase him around the mall.

As we are doing window shopping in the mall, suddenly Kelvin recall that there's ultraman ride in the mall. I take the opportunity to make him recall where is the location of the ride. And to my surprise, he can actually tell the direction. so not to disappointed him, i let him take one round of ride and he feel so happy and satisfied after one round and doesn't ask for another ride. After the ride, he requested to drop by Border's. While we were on our way to Border's, my parents was there with Kaitlyn. When both of them see each others, there were so excited and hold each others hand and walk towards Border's. It's so sweet to see them walking holding hand. Too bad..i forgot to snap the pic.

We spend around 20 mins in Border's and it's time for dinner. We went to the Taiwanese Tea Room - Xian Ding Wei for dinner. Both kids love the food there very much. After food, we straight headed back home as it's almost my little girl, Kaitlyn's bedtime. When i asked Kelvin whether he likes the outing, and without hesitate and second thought, he told me, "Yes, mummy i like it!". so shall i plan for another outing with Kelvin on my next qtr end?

A caring daughter

I am so happy that GOD give me a daughter. Initially i thought GOD send me a naughty girl, until last night...

I was telling hubb that suddenly i have mild headache, and at night, when i tug my little girl to bed, she asked me to lay down beside her and i just sit beside her and she insisted me to lay down. And she even asked me to sleep. So sweet of her.

Recently, she changed her sleeping pattern. Instead of me patting her bum bum, she wants me to hig her close to her and both of us sleep face to face at very close distance. This is the first stage.

Second stage is, after a while, she will turn her bum bum and ask for pat.

Third stage is, she will sleep on her chest and hold on my my hand.

Then, end of story, she will goes to her lala-land.
感谢上帝给了一个搞蛋小娃!

Free dress for you and me to grab

Can't recall when i started to do online purchase...but i do remember i started to purchase clothes online for my kids and coincidentally started to do online purchase for myself.

When i was browsing through Irene Lim's website, i found an article about free give away dresses for blogger and website owner. And at the same time, i saw the same thing from my friend Yan's posting about this free give away. I did purchase items from Irene and i love the quality and her service. I still remember, once, my parcel was being send to a wrong address and the "super efficient" post laju just ignore my complaint and i was so mad..however, Irene is so nice that she re-send the items to me without asking for additional charges, thanks Irene!

I was so excited when i saw this free giveaway memo in Irene's website...how could i resist such a deal. I browse through the free give away list..and short listed this item, hope that i can get it :)Hurry up, what are you waiting for...go to Irene's site and choose your favorite items, however, here is condition for you to qualify for the free item,

1. your blog or website is at least 3 months old, and has at least 20 posts or web pages.
2. Need to write a short review about Irene's online fashion store and put at least two links back to the site, with one of the links pointing to THIS page.
3. The short review should be at least 100 words

Simple right? Then..what are you waiting for? Faster write a short review about Irene.

My hand and my 2 sweetie pies

Again, i had problem with my hand, sigh! I had the problem after my first delivery and don't seems to have the same problem after second delivery. But recently, i feel that my palm and wrist is painful when i lift up my little girl when i want to change her diaper. In mandarin, it's call 妈妈手, whereas in english, it's call stenosing tenosynovitis

I told both kids that wrist is painful, for unknown reason, my left wrist is so painful. Yesterday night, my big sweetie pie, Kelvin, came to my with a plaster. And i was so mad at him because for no reason, he opened up the plaster. I thought he want to play with it, but i am 110% wrong. He brought the plaster to me and ask me to put on the wrist as he said my wrist is pain. Oh..sweetie, i am so sorry, i shouldn't scold you for playing with plaster. I feel so touched with his action.

And at night, when i want to tug my second sweetie pie, Kaitlyn, to sleep, she came to me and keep rubbing my wrist and said "pain pain no more!" Again, the heart feel so so warm and so happy.

At least, the effort that i put on the 2 kids has return. And the care from them make me feel that the wrist pain is worth. I am suppose to wear the wrist band to speed up the recovery, but i only wear it at night, coz the wrist band is ugly to me Til now, the pain is still with me.....

Mummy's birthday

Today is my mummy's birthday....daddy bought her 2 little cakes, one is Hello Kitty and one is ultraman. Actually, the miniature hello kitty is for my mei mei, Kaitlyn, and the ultraman is for me!! yeah!! And what will mummy get? Of course, the cake!!!

When we got home, daddy asked mummy to stay in the car with mei mei meanwhile i get to go into the house together with daddy. I help daddy to set up the candle and the cakes. Once everything is done, i bring mummy and mei mei into the house.

We sang Happy Birthday song for mummy and the most exciting part is, candle blowing!! Me and mei mei get to blow the small candle on the cake while mummy get to blow the aroma candle, LOL! So 3 of us get to blow the candles.After that, it's another exciting event. Daddy got us the party popper. Daddy is giving us playing instruction. See, both of us pay our 101% attention to daddy.However, we still dare not take the risk, daddy still holding our hand while we play the party popper.Last but not least..i am the most happy person on the day! I get to eat the cake, and it's so yummy!! I love it so much. As for mei mei, she walked around with the deco balloon on the cake.

Happy Birthday, mummy!

My belated Mother's Day present from Kelvin

Yesterday night on our way back after dinner, i asked Kelvin whether he would like to sing Jay Chow's 听妈妈的话 and let me record in my cellphone, and happily he said he want!

Well, this little boy of mine, he can't speaks mandarin well, but he can't remember part of the lyrics after we let him watch the MTV for few times. **thumbs up**

打在你手, 痛在我心 I feel so pain though

I was so upset with Kelvin recently. I guess he's growing up and no longer mummy's boy, he has his own thinking though. I found it it's very hard to make him do something and i need to keep repeating myself for few times and sort of force him, then only he will do it.

Yesterday night, i was so mad at him and i told him i would like to introduce a new friend to him, "cane" and i will ask "cane" to make him remember my word. He told me he doesn't want, and he said will listen to me...then full stop.

Today, when i revised alphabet with him, he kept playing with me, refuse to hold his pencil properly. I spoke to him nicely for few times, asked him to hold the pencil nicely, but all these go to dead ears. after few attempts, fire is burning and i beat on his hand. He looked at me for few seconds and force himself to cry out. I can hardly see few drops of tears. When i see him crying, i am crying in my heart too. I feel so sad, upset for beating him, but i have no choice. Everyone tend to spoil him, and this little boy tend to live in his own fantasy world, everyone always praise him and when he does something wrong, everyone including me just talk to him nicely, no punishment, no scolding. But now, i think time to change.....all the while i kept telling myself, take it easy, he is yet to turn 4...but time flies, last month when i tell myself he is only 3 yrs and 6 mths boy, and this mth i tell myself he is only 3 yrs and 7 mths as compare to some of his friends who born in early of the yr, they are 4 yrs and x mths...but i know i can't escape from all these, need to face the truth, so i decided to be firm to him. Just hope that he wont hate me and understand my plight.

Sweetie, 打在你手, 痛在我心, but mummy has no choice........